Writing Advice

I came across some writing advice while doomscrolling (an activity I am want to do during my bleaker moods).

It comes from the writer Chuck Palahniuck, author of such novels as “Fight Club” (which spawned a movie starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton).

You can find the full post on Reddit here. In short, the advice is:

From this point forward – at least for the next half year – you may not use “thought” verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, [Loves, Hates], and a hundred others you love to use.

As a Reddit commentor put it simply: Don’t tell, Demonstrate.

So I thought we’d make this into a little exercise. Let’s write a short passage using “thought” verbs freely, and then rewrite it applying the above advice.

As I read a lot of Japanese stories involving middle school girls getting involved in horror scenarios, I’ll use that as my starting point.

Feel free to try the exercise for yourself and post it in the comments.

Basic Passage

Sayaka never wanted to enter the school grounds at night, because she couldn’t help but believe the rumours of demons lurking in the dark recesses of the buildings.

There we are. A typical scene from one of the Japanese school horror books I’ve read. I’ve used 2 of the forbidden words: “want” and “believe”. Now let’s try our best to apply the advice.

Rewritten Passage

Sayaka’s gut churned when her name was pulled for the test of courage. She had only come along to the gathering to quash the boorish reputation she had unwittingly garnered. Now she stepped down the familiar hallway, cast into dark perversion by the midnight hour. Every echoing creak, every twisted shadow, cast recollections through her mind of the terrifying stories told by her classmates. That as the hands of the clock join in prayer, one can witness the Midnight Class.

So what do you think? I’m very happy with the result. This version feels much more visceral. Before, we were simply told of what Sayaka was doing, but we didn’t feel anything. It had the appearance of horror, but not the vibe of it. Whereas in this rewritten version, we can immediately empathize with Sayaka, as if we are walking right alongside her.

When writing, I invertedly created the antagonist for the story in something I called the “Midnight Class”. In the first passage I simply referred to some non-descript “demons”, but in the rewritten passage, I felt like to follow the truly follow the advice, using a basic noun for what should be the antagonist to our protagonist felt underwhelming. Since in my head this event was taking place at midnight, the name came to me spontaneously. Now we have an exciting mystery for the reader to ponder.

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Conclusion

I very much enjoyed this exercise. It is something I have struggled with in my own writing. Although I believe my ideas are great, when reading back my own writing, the words do not grip me as the words of the published authors I have read. I am still early in my study of the art of prose, but I am enjoying every step of it.

I hope you enjoyed my little writing exercise and perhaps wrote a little something for yourself too.