“Not all those who wander are lost.”

J.R.R. Tolkien

After over a decade spent carving for myself a modest adult life I abandoned the vessel entirely and set forth on a new voyage. Whether it was the correct decision or not, I may only realise upon my death bed, should thy Reaper Grim grant me such a demise rich in retrospection. Nevertheless, it is the path I chose, and to this day I bear no regret.

What was the next for me? A move to Japan no less. After a short spell in that wonderous land in early adulthood, a burning itch to complete my adventure there had drawn my hand. So I packed my bags and moved once again, with the goal of establishing a firmer foothold than in my previous endeavour.

First order of business was mastering the language. Previous study of it had withered away in the recesses of my mind, but solo lessons with a private tutor had recovered most of it, bringing me back to the JLPT N3 level of comprehension I achieved before, along with a (perhaps misplaced) confidence in speaking.

I once again moved to Kyoto, eager to avert the noisy metropolis. No debts saddling me and a decent amount of savings in my pocket, I ventured forth, bright-eyed and with a fiery enthusiasm which could withstand the fiercest of gloomy storms.

Or so I thought. Over the year I stumbled over many bouts of depression and insomnia. Voices of self-doubt nibbled at my psyche. Every non-perfect test score or failure to converse smoothly triggered echoing self-contempt that plagued my mood.

Thankfully, through the power of friendship found in some unlikely companions, I found the strength to keep going, and so here we are today.

I have completed 1 year of Japanese language study at a school. Starting from intermediate 3rd tier (中級III) and graduating from the highest in advanced 3rd tier (上級III). Along the way I passed JLPT N2 with a modest score (my frailty under exam pressure a demon I cannot shake-off, apparently), and more importantly I feel that my comprehension has come along leaps and bounds. While my conversation skills haven’t improved too much as I have not managed to make a Japanese friend to engage in regular practice with yet, my reading comprehension (my favourite among the language skills) has improved spectacularly.

Japan is home to me, I feel. Though born and bred in the dreary suburbs of London, I forever felt out of place. The UK lacks a certain dignity, a societal decorum which I believe to be fundamental for a modern, peaceful society. I found that here in Japan.

Certainly, I was first attracted to this land thanks to the influences of anime, in particular the Studio Ghibli movies, so don’t hesitate to call me a self-righteous weeb. But I am not so foolish as to view Japan solely through that lens. It is a country with a plethora of its own issues in every strata. However, taking all things into consideration, for me, on this day, life in Japan is more pleasing than life in the UK.

If Brexit and its associated wickedness had not afflicted that island, then perhaps I would not believe so, but alas…

So, what is next for Casian? Before graduating Japanese language school and losing my visa, I secured a full time gig from the generous people at the English language school I had been working part time at. Teaching English is often seen as a trap for foreign English-natives in Japan, but I have delighted in the pursuit. The students are all wonderful characters, and I have found in myself a passion for linguistics. It is a stepping stone that enables to me leap upwards to greater heights.

This past year has been about securing my place in Japan. This next year will be about acquiring the skills needed to find a new, fulfilling career.

Although I have a decade of experience in the IT industry, the mere thought of returning to such a job chills my heart. I regret taking that path. Studying Computer Science at university was a mistake. I was young and impressionable, and was pressured into it by adults in my orbit. Adults I believed knew better than me. But now I realise, they did not know me. I did not know me. Given the opportunity, I would tell my younger self to not be so hasty entering into debt with a university. Instead, spend a few years working and exploring the world. Only then could I begin to understand myself, and realise that I am no programmer. I have no love for machines, coding or algorithms. No, it is people that fascinate me. Characters. Both fictional and non.

I lament that it took me a third of my life time to come to such a realisation. It is all I can do now to vow that I will not waste the next two.

So Casian was born. I started reading again. Studying again. Writing stories again. The passion of my youth that had been cast aside to focus on an ill-fitting career had been rediscovered. I can once again delight in the words of great writers as well as the words that pour out of my fingertips.

Today, I give birth to this site, The Study of Casian. In one place it is:

• A home for my stories
• A portal to my musings
• An insight into my being

This year, I will continue my Japanese language education through primarily self-study, with the goal of passing N1 come December. My second but no less important goal is to study the craft of writing. This I will do through online courses, books and of course, with practice. I will publish all such writings here. Short stories, essays and poetry, whatever takes my mood. All with the goal of honing my craft.

I am starting late in life, I am well aware. But I promise you this: I shall progress at a speed which will terrify the most celebrated of authors and journalists.

And so, I bring this post to an end. If you have read this far, thank you. I hope it has been entertaining, enlightening and perhaps triggered some self-reflection on your part. If you are interested in bearing witness to my creations, do stop by from time to time. I’m sure I will develop this site with social media posts and mailing lists eventually.

Finally, I say this: Goodbye to the old me, and welcome to Casian.